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There are, you suspect, quite a few folk with links to the London postcode of N17 who would be thoroughly grateful if Troy Parrott could stop popping up to score winning goals for a bit. The Republic of Ireland striker has barely unpacked his bags at Real Betis, yet he’s already ruined the afternoon of his former manager at Tottenham, pouncing to sink José Mourinho’s Real Madrid. Four days later? He made headlines again on his Bigger Cup debut at Lille. Two games, two goals, two match-winners. Not entirely shabby for a lad who was once given the classic Mourinho treatment and declared “not ready”. Mourinho, as ever, remains a central character in this particular soap opera. It was the Special One who handed a teenage Parrott his Premier League debut in December 2019, throwing him on during a 5-0 win over Burnley. It was also Mourinho who promptly decided the youngster needed a fair bit longer in the oven.

Re: Ken Muir’s letter (yesterday’s Football Daily letters) and mention of Arbroath’s famous 36-0 victory over Bon Accord in 1885. On the same day, in the same competition and just 18 miles away, Dundee Harp defeated Aberdeen Rovers 35-0. Arbroath and Harp were rivals and after the final whistle, officials from Harp sent a telegram to Arbroath simply containing the result of their match and then retired to a pub to celebrate their world record. Later that evening, a reply was received which read ‘Arbroath 36-0 Bon Accord’. Both sides thought the other was winding them up. The results were not a surprise. Rovers and Bon Accord were both playing only their third official fixtures. Bon Accord arrived for their match with nine players and no goalkeeper, so played an outfield player in goal and two spectators made up their XI. The Aberdeen Weekly News reported that Arbroath’s keeper ‘neither touched the ball with hand or foot … but remained under the friendly shelter of an umbrella the whole time’. Arbroath also had seven goals disallowed. Unsurprisingly, the qualification rules for the Scottish Cup were changed for the following season” – Jamie Gaukroger.

Call me one of those bluffers and chancers with ‘fantastic theories and philosophies’ if you will but, after sitting through the chaotic mess that was Real Madrid v Inter in Bigger Cup, two things spring to mind. Firstly, if Madrid has had an obvious gap of no central midfielder who can control the momentum and flow of the game for over two seasons, since Toni Kroos and Luka Modric, why ignore it yet again but spend £115m on yet another left-sided attacker? Secondly, even if you don’t have one, never mind two of those types of players, once you go 2-0 up in the 23rd minute against a team at home, can’t you just kick the ball five-10 yards to a teammate consistently, keep possession and tire the opposition out? As the late, great Johan Cruyff used to say: ‘As long as we’ve got the ball, they’re never going to score’” – Noble Francis.

OK, Mike Wilner (Monday’s letters), I’ll bite. ‘What isn’t what it is?’ Football Daily is not a humorous teatime newsletter. ‘What has a club not won what it won?’ Senegal did not win Afcon. ‘When does a team not lose what it’s lost?’ USA USA USA ... did not lose Folarin Balogun against Belgium in the GWC. Is there a plausible weeklong riff here? Oh, yes. Yes there is. There most certainly is” – Chi.